Knowledge Portal/
SECRETS OF
HIGHLY-EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
(Shared in person by Stephen
R. Covey) BY: JOANNE RAE M. RAMIREZ, Philippine Star, November 25, 2004
What happens when a name you see on the cover of a long-running bestseller
suddenly leaps out of the bookshelves and into your midst?
Stephen R. Covey, author of the international best seller The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People, breezed into Manila recently for a series of seminars
(admission prices ranged from a high of P10,000 at a Makati hotel to P1,000 for
a talk on family values at the Ateneo’s Henry Lee Irwin Theater) and it was my
good fortune to have been able to listen to his talk. I was invited by my
inspiring religion teacher and class adviser at the Assumption, Lirio Ongpin
Mapa, who is the vice president for the Center for Leadership and Change Inc.,
the group that brought Covey to town. After Covey’s talk, Mrs. Mapa arranged for
me to meet him backstage. If I breathed the air he breathed, I thought to
myself, I might be as highly effective as he is!
Covey was once chosen by Time magazine as one of America’s 25 “Most Influential
People.” National Bookstore matriarch Mrs. Socorro Ramos once told me that at
national, Covey’s books are perennial bestsellers.
So when face to face with the guru, whose books are a virtual Bible for millions
(especially in the corporate world) I was tempted to ask: “Can you just bottle
all your tips, so I can have a capsule with my coffee every morning?” For how
does one squeeze into the morning the lessons of a lifetime?
In person, Covey reminds me of Fr. James Reuter S.J. They have the same gentle,
fatherly (not preachy) way of talking and kind of expression. Their references
are so close to home – people you meet on the street, or on your dinner table
(your family).
In a nutshell, here are the principles embodied in Covey’s seven habits of
highly effective people and families:
1. BE PROACTIVE – Highly effective
families act based on principles and values. Ineffective families react based
on emotion or circumstance. Effective families accept personal responsibility
for their own actions and resulting consequences. Ineffective families blame
and accuse other family members, other people or circumstances for their
problems.
2. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND – Effective
families have a clear, agreed-upon sense of shared vision and purpose. They
work together to accomplish their shared vision. They are contribution
focused. Ineffective families proceed with little or nothing in mind.
3. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST – Effective
families invest quality time in the family – even amid all the other pressing
demands of life. Ineffective family members are those who are often rushed and
hurried, working long hours and feeling guilty about not having more family
times.
4. THINK WIN-WIN – Effective families
genuinely seek mutual benefit in all family interactions and find joy in the
success of other family members (walang inggitan). Ineffective families
secretly resent the success of other family members. They would rather be
“right” than “happy.”
5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN BE UNDERSTOOD –
Effective families try to seek first to understand the other family member’s
point of view instead of focusing on making their point and convincing others
to agree.
6. SYNERGIZE – Effective families
celebrate difference and believe that “our way” is better than “your way” or
“my way.” Ineffective families think, “we both give up something so that we
can agree.”
7. SHARPEN THE SAW – As an individual and
as a family, effective people do things together – exercise, take vacations,
worship. As marriage partners, they regularly do things to keep the flame
alive. Ineffective families, on the other hand, “rarely take time for reward.”
They often watch endless hours of mindless TV!
Covey shared these “bonding” tips to keep your family strong:
1. Have weekly dates with your partner.
2. Have “dates” with each of your children, wherein they decide what to do.
3. Make special phone calls regularly to children who live away from home.
4. Even take a child with you on a business trip if appropriate!
Covey said that at one’s deathbed, one never wishes one spent more time at the
office; it’s always, “I should have spent more time with my family.”
He also said the most important sentences in the world are short. These are:
Please. Thank You. I love you. How may I help you? I’d love to serve.
A Mormon, Covey puts Jesus Christ in the center of his life. His successes he
offers “For the greater Glory of God.” (For a while there I thought he was a
Jesuit!)
His dream is that through his talks, he will be able to empower people and
strengthen values so that in he end, the world will have a bigger middle class –
instead of having more poor people in our midst.
Covey, a father of nine and grandfather of 42 (one more is due on Christmas
Day), said people and organizations have four basic needs; To live, to love, to
learn and to leave a legacy.
Parents should always “keep affirming their children” and tell them always, “ I
love you, I believe in you.”
If you are disappointed that your child is not fulfilling his potential, stop!
“Believe in your child, not in his potential” advises Covey, “Do not falter in
your belief in him.”
He told over a thousand people who had come to listen to him at the Ateneo’s
Henry Lee Irwin Theater to keep in mind that, “Life is short.”
And while blessed with the gift of life, always remember that, “Family is what
life is about.”
